The end of one adventure and beginning of a new.

so today was the last day at my 9year job at staples warehouse, I wasn’t going to do a fair well speech but I’m a writer and it’s our thing.

I’m not a popular guy, I don’t kiss ass, I just do what’s asked of me. If it’s stupid I ask why and suggest my opinion. If my words are asked for then watch out cuz here they come.

I was never anything special, never employee of the month, never nominated or noticed for what I did. I have always worked to my standards and goals, which are always higher then the employer. I’m one of those workers that can do everything right and still get yelled at for standing still for 1 second. I’m sure a lot of you can relate.

I’ve met a lot of great ppl at staples, I’ve met a lot of challenges that made me grow.  I honestly don’t know how I’ve worked there 9yrs and not dated at least 5 times with all of the hotties I’ve worked with, but yet I date to settle not just to hook up.

i had all intentions on leaving only telling those that mattered but ppl can’t shut up. My plan was to leave how I felt I was seen. And that is just there, a body, completely invisible to everyone but those that cared. I think I still pulled that off. Personally I doubt my absence will be noticed much, only by the few I effected and some leaders that need me to do the dirty work.

i was to the point in order to survive I had to change myself. I became negative, and an angry person that I didn’t like. Everything just made me want to leave.

i am now starting a new job that I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. 9 yrs in one place and doing so thin totally different?! Oh yeah but I welcome the challenge.

 

 

Inner Battle 3

(sighs) Will it ever get better? Will the fight between good and evil ever end or be easy?

its as though I’m fighting not just the world, but myself as well.

The more people I meet and interact with, the lonelier and further from who I want to be I feel.

I want one thing in life and it’s as if that is too much to ask, while people that deserve to receive the treatment I have end up with what I want.

How does God make his choices? He wants a srong and faithful servent, but drives us to that choice of wanting to forsake. That is the true test.

Every moment of everyday are the same thoughts and feelings, murder, suicide, how can I hurt these people, what can I blow up? Few know my true thoughts now even more so.

Is this normal or forbidden? I think both, I think to a degree everyone thinks this but are scared to talk about it from fear of being seen as a monster. Personally I’d rather be seen for what I am then what people make me to be.

I feel the people in our lives that interact with us as much as we do them are in our lives for a reason, to teach something, show us something, maybe test us even. There are people that I couldn’t find for years, and when I did it was in a moment their lives needed to be pulled from self destruction.

sometimes I feel that’s my only existence, that I’m meant to not only see everyone else be happy, but help in their saving, that I’m used as a side kick but will never be saved. Good people rarely are recognized but used, I’m always that person standing in a convo laughing awkwardly and trying to imput, trying to fit in.

I have reached a point where I’m preparing to be alone forever, without the ability to feel emotion I’m driving people away I don’t know how to keep. The darkness seems to be setting in.

The question is. What do I do? What can be done? If you feel no emotion, if you avoid caring because it ends in heartbreak. What do you do?

nothing you’re at the point you need a wake up call, break out of that dark shell.

My advice, never give up the fight between good and evil. Always strive for good, even if it makes evil look good. Why? Figure your reason out…

Off my game

Im really sorry everyone, I haven’t fully written anything good in months. I haven’t had strong motivation, and everyone that writes knows that no motivation makes for bad stories.

On the bright side i have a good solid plan for book 4 of The Untold Mystery of the Phoenix. #1 was the foundation setting the story, tone for the rest and the characters. 2 was the set up for the real story, the remake of mythology. #3 was about fulfilling the prophecies and time gaps that were shown, and Gabriel’s fight against his darkness. #4 will bring 2 strong forces together that are on opposite sides, they will join to take down the worst threat of the series. it will be the best one yet.

I have samples of my writing here. my books ar on amazon for $4 on ebook.

What really makes a killer?… Besides the killing part.

I was in this conversation last night with my sister.

The general thought from ppl is the kid has a screwed up life, parent beat them and they grow up killing animals and then ppl. Most don’t understand how a person can have no emotion or concept of feelings at all.

personally I’m raised in a Christian family, I’ve done no wrong. I’ve tortued insects and snakes as a kid, I’ve always fantasized killing but never have because of God. The more I try reaching out to ppl the more they shove me aside like trash, it built to where I feel no emotion but have to fake happiness sympathy and love. I love death and laugh at it. But grew up in a loving family.

Here are my thoughts. I think killers were/are the most caring ppl in existants, but a long the way ppl made them into what they are and they gave in. Maybe they were angels or life’s version of it and decided to lash back at the world.

I believe complete light and darkness can exist in the same body. The person needs to learn control to balance both powers. Darkness can consume with ease, it eats up the light. It’s easy to be over come, light is harder to maintain.

My wish is to interview a person that went through their killing phase and see what their mind is like.

We all have demons, the key is to know them and take control.

Phoenix 3

Phoenix 3 is all done just editing right now and going to work on my vampire book. If you liked Phoenix 1&2 3 blows them out of the water.

The 1st 3 chapters of book 1 is here, the battle of the gods has only begun and getting heated. Unlike most or all authors  I encourage ideas for my series, if I use it I will put your name in the special thanks section.

tha

Inner battle 2

The thought never seems to die, the moral debate never ending. Every time I feel I won the battle against the darkness someone comes in and screws it up.

people never change their without morals or discipline, they only have two purposes breed and live a pathetic selfish life in a bubble of carelessness. Our entire history can be sumed up into one paragraph.

we came and enslaved to build our country on morals that we may or may not have had. Elected man after man that manipulated everyone to thinking he was different. Our people hold the evil on a pedestal, kick God out of everything and then wonder why he won’t answer our cries.

The Human history for screwing over the good guy is so overwhelming that no wonder psychopaths come out and take things into their own hands. There is no reason  for people to be good, they are just around for the evil or selfish to screw over.

The  person however has strength can over come with the right experience. The only thing keeping the person from being selfish and becoming morally backwards is if the have God in thier life. If they can focus and not get pulled in they might make it.

Awe as humans want to be accepted, it’s when we’re not we do things to earn acceptance. Is this really the way? Give up who we are to follow people that don’t care?.

No! In my experience it’s better to have morals and standards then to give it all up then to conform.  People don’t care they never will. The only one that will keep u from killing yourself or fulfilling your desires to kill others is God or if you have the will power to fight on your own.

I face fake friendship everyday, I face being the realist person everyday, my dark thoughts always beat me down. It’s the choice the thought of God that keeps me from living my dark potential.

 

Good Evil or Zombie?

No paradise

Hi people!

i wanted to shoot out a quick blog about writing and or writers.

 

A lot of people I’ve told that I’m a writer assume quickly that I’m a rich 26 year old and that I can afford to give all of my work for free. That can’t be further from the truth, the only writers that can afford to give their book away would be someone that has a good daytime job.

Its not easy to get noticed, even if you have the best story in your area or that you’ve seen. Not many people like to read anymore, not only that but your cover n summary has to kick some serious eye ass. Otherwise even if it’s free no one will care.

When I first started, ya I was hoping to get rich or at least known for my work, I read somewhere that you have to love writing to write otherwise writing for money or fame well that love will die as soon as you publish.

If you think I’m wrong then I’ll ask you this, when you publish tell family and friends about your book, and then ask them how they liked it. Quickly you’ll get into the awkward silence, n soon you being a writer will be used as only a conversation filler, because no one cares, at least around you. Your only fans will be fellow writers.

So you see you need to love writing and already be thinking of you stories. It’s not something you turn on and off, it is you.

Keep writing everyone!