(sighs) Will it ever get better? Will the fight between good and evil ever end or be easy?
its as though I’m fighting not just the world, but myself as well.
The more people I meet and interact with, the lonelier and further from who I want to be I feel.
I want one thing in life and it’s as if that is too much to ask, while people that deserve to receive the treatment I have end up with what I want.
How does God make his choices? He wants a srong and faithful servent, but drives us to that choice of wanting to forsake. That is the true test.
Every moment of everyday are the same thoughts and feelings, murder, suicide, how can I hurt these people, what can I blow up? Few know my true thoughts now even more so.
Is this normal or forbidden? I think both, I think to a degree everyone thinks this but are scared to talk about it from fear of being seen as a monster. Personally I’d rather be seen for what I am then what people make me to be.
I feel the people in our lives that interact with us as much as we do them are in our lives for a reason, to teach something, show us something, maybe test us even. There are people that I couldn’t find for years, and when I did it was in a moment their lives needed to be pulled from self destruction.
sometimes I feel that’s my only existence, that I’m meant to not only see everyone else be happy, but help in their saving, that I’m used as a side kick but will never be saved. Good people rarely are recognized but used, I’m always that person standing in a convo laughing awkwardly and trying to imput, trying to fit in.
I have reached a point where I’m preparing to be alone forever, without the ability to feel emotion I’m driving people away I don’t know how to keep. The darkness seems to be setting in.
The question is. What do I do? What can be done? If you feel no emotion, if you avoid caring because it ends in heartbreak. What do you do?
nothing you’re at the point you need a wake up call, break out of that dark shell.
My advice, never give up the fight between good and evil. Always strive for good, even if it makes evil look good. Why? Figure your reason out…